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So it sucks when people I barely talk to know what's going on today.
And other people that I really care about don't seem to know why today is so important.
And it sucks even more when those people, who I've tried to tell how fucking hard it is to live like this, don't even try to get it.
Or don't even try to understand why a lot of the time, I can't call because I'm around my family and they're listening to everything I say.  And that I'm working harder than most teenagers, just to keep smiling.
I'm not saying I'm depressed or unhappy, because I am happy.  Just some times, I'm pushed so close to the edge with what I have to go through and how much I have to sacrifice. 

So, thanks to all of you who remembered. 
And to all my online friends, I really do love you.  And I'd show it more if I just had the time.  (And you probably don't know what the hell this post is about because I don't remember mentioning it on here. <33)
To the rest of you, I don't know what to say.


BEHOLD what an awful LJ friend I am! x.x;;;
I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so SORRY! <3333
REALLY. I'm an AWFUL person.

Alright, now that the apology that is ridden with CAPSLOCK!, I will ask you to pity me and help.

I was delighted when my teacher actually did nominate me for the Governor's Honors Program in Math.  For cereal.
Now, here's the website, but I'll copy/paste too.

What it is:

"GHP is a six-week summer instructional program designed to provide intellectually gifted and artistically talented high school students challenging and enriching educational opportunities not usually available during the regular school year. Activities are designed to provide each participant with opportunities to acquire the skills, knowledge and attitudes to become independent, lifelong learners. Both rising juniors and seniors in Georgia's public and private high schools may be nominated for the program by their teachers and counselors. Students attend the program on the campus of Valdosta State University in Valdosta.

GHP is a great opportunity for gifted and talented high school juniors and seniors to

  • spend six weeks of study on a college campus
  • obtain instruction by outstanding instructors
  • study their academic/ artistic field of interest
  • enhance interpersonal skills through peer living"

What I have to do:

"Students are nominated in a specific instructional area in which their abilities, aptitudes, and interest lie. Each school system or private school is assigned a nomination quota based on the average daily attendance of its 10th and 11th grades.

Transcripts of grades and records, nomination forms, endorsements and other pertinent information are submitted to substantiate the nominations. Local nominees are then sent to statewide screening interviews/auditions."

My GPA sucks ass-mar so I'm going to have to go into these interviews totally confident and ready to talk myself up. x.x; I'm awful at that.  I mean, I guess I could come up with things if I had time to think about them, but on the spot? Scary~~
So, can someone please help me answer these questions?:
  1. Describe your interest in your nomination area.

  2. What have you already accomplished in your nomination area beyond regular classroom work? (Submit evidence as required in the “Instructional Descriptions and Criteria for Selection” guidelines. Check with your local GHP coordinator for this information. Please consider that the evidence submitted will not be returned. Duplicate copies will suffice).

     3.  Why do you feel that you should be selected as a Finalist?

     4.  Have you decided on a career? If so, tell about it.

     5.  Make any statement in support of your nomination, which you think has not been covered elsewhere on this

And behind this cut, are some of the homecoming pictures.  Please excuse how much of a freak I look in the one picture I have of myself.  I have a lopsided grin and I've come to terms with it.  (Doesn't mean I can't hate it though.)


You have no idea...

how many times I've had to change the links on the school newspapers website because every single file type I have used hasn't been compatible.  
It's ridiculous.  
But now I've found a way to make it work.
I only have to make a billion pages to do so.  And format them.  And make them pretty.  
It's driving me insane.

I made cupcakes last night for a girl in my class.  It was her birthday a few days ago and she had to go to the hospital for pneumonia.  So I made her cupcakes.  And they're delicious. 

School is amazing.  I'll talk more about my incredibly interesting life (yeah, uh-huh. I wish) later~


I just spent from 8am to 12pm writing court cases on note cards.
There are 63 of them.
63 that have to be memorized by Tuesday.
Really by Monday because we have an FRQ on incorporation and there are plenty of court cases about that.
(Plus 18 more note cards on the next chapter since we'll have a quit on Friday and I hate making note cards during the week)
I spend last night starting on the practice test for the PSAT (haha), eating pizza with the family, and doing a review worksheet for government (which thank god is for extra credit. I need it to pull up my grade so this next test doesn't kill me.)
In conclusion, I have only knocked three things off of my list of things to do this weekend (there are 12 total).

This whole week made me realize what it's going to be like the rest of the year.  Because we have finally started going deeper into everything we're studying.  Plus, all of my extracurriculars.  Holy cow.  The other day I had to finish that application for a History Preservation thing (like I want to do it for any other reason except to put it on my college application.)
I know the 15th if I get in the History Preservation Junior Board of Trustees.
I'm holding a tennis meeting after school Monday.  Which means I'm going to make the team play twice a week and then I'll have my weekly lesson with my personal tennis coach.
Hopefully Beta club will start soon for me.
And Anchor club has a meeting Tuesday.
The engineering conference is on the 11th and 12th.
Then the PSAT is on the 20th.

Something that makes me sick is that when I went to take a ridiculous Graduation Writing test (The prompt was something like: write a letter to your principal telling him what course would make students more prepared for the real world.  Honestly. That's like elementary school shit) I missed something that made everything incredibly easier in calculus. 
So I go to look through the book and how it explains the stuff (we're doing the product and quotient and etc. rules of derivatives) and it makes absolutely perfect sense.
But because it makes derivatives easier, I... went back a few chapters to something I didn't understand to see if it was just the subject that was easy.  And that confusing thing makes sense now.
When a math text book makes more sense than a teacher, there's a problem.

In happier news, I finally got my hands on Eclipse, the third book in the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyers.  I read it in two days.  During a school week, that's like, a record for me.
I was disappointed by the end.  Jacob depresses me but something I can't stand him.  I can't get past how Edward looks in my head to hate him. xD

We got progress reports Tuesday and I did well.  I was upset at my Journalism grade.  It was a 98%.  And I want to know what she had to take 2% off of.  All I did was work on that damn website!!  I haven't had to do any work! OwO It's driving me nuts.
And we're having technical difficulties getting the site online.  The teacher isn't able to access the files from his computer and it's a mess...

So I only got online to look up dates for a few cases I didn't have. 
And to start my book review for the Jodi Picoult book. 
I've read two other books (and started two others) since I read that book and I think it's going to be difficult to do this review.

Oh yeah, because my mom is awful, she's forgot to get the homecoming pictures. 
She says she's getting them today.  She better.  I want to see them.
The second half of them will have to wait a few weeks.  I have to finish the role of film... I'm going to take pictures of our new house!! xDD

You have no idea how much I want to write for myself.  I have so much fanfiction half way done and I just want to do more!!! Real life sucks.

Sorry I'm such a bad friend! &hearts;
Yes. I did enjoy myself at homecoming.
And yes, I did look beautiful.
Thanks for asking.
Our school is so ultra red-neck conservative we're not allowed to have a Gay-Straight Alliance because it would be offensive.
If I knew what we were supposed to do at meetings, I would put my education on the line to get one.  I'd do what I had to get one.  Because they can't say we're not allowed.  If that's offensive, aren't the Christian clubs offensive to Jews and Catholics? 
One word: Hypocrisy. 
Now, that is bad.
But when I told my mom, she agreed.  "High school isn't the forum to have such things" and "there's a freedom of religion but not freedom of sexuality in the constitution." 
That's even worse.
So when she wonders why I grow up and vote ultra liberal, it'll be because of twisted mind logic.
You have no idea how ridiculous this is.
And how fucked up our world is.

So that thing called real life?

Yeah, there's a lot of that. 
I don't think I stopped studying/doing homework all weekend except to eat, sleep, bathe, and watch the men's finals of the US Open. 
And watching the final kinda felt like a waste of time, since Federer won and it was only a 3 set match.  Though it was somewhat intense.  It just wasn't surprising in the least that he won. (It doesn't mean I love him any less. Gosh, his hair. mmmmmm xD)
I did go with my mom and dad to run errands Friday.  We were out until a little past midnight.  It was fun. I got a Tommy Hilfiger bathing suit for $24. Score.  It's pretty and polka dotted!

Ummm....First AP Gov test tomorrow.  I know it, I think.  A lot of it is stuff from AP US History since we're starting out with the Constitution and stuff.  I'm just nervous for the FRQs.  My writing has been massive amounts of SUCK lately and writing coherently in less than half an hour is freaking me out.  Maybe, I can get all the MC right... Uh huh. Sure...

I officially can't stand my AP Calc teacher.  He sucks and reminds me of Gorman.  He just doesn't explain in depth enough.  Sure, he's really smart but he's not that great of a teacher.  Or maybe, I just don't understand his speak.  I think I learn differently than a lot of people... x.x;;;

BUT my mommy is taking me to Staples next weekend and we're getting my graphing calculator.  When I get it, I'm going to play with it and probably spam about how amazing it is. 
I think I'm more excited about this calculator than I will be when (if) I get my first car.
Can you say dork?

I'm well on my way to being an overachiever this year. Yay.  I'm signing up for some program that lets me have a chance to interview for an internship at CNN or something.  Fun? Yes. Definitely.  And I'm joining Anchor club Tuesday.  And I have a Student Council meeting Wednesday to plan for homecoming... and I need to find out about Math Club... xDDD

Tennis is going better, too.  I don't feel so defeated.  I think it's because of all the tennis I've been watching. xD I picked up things and didn't even realize it until my coach said something about it. 
I'm supposed to get a new racket, too.  Wheeoh! It's kinda expensive, but it's a lot better than my Babolot.  But yeah. I demoed it at the PGA Tour store on their indoor court and had so much fun with the ball machine.  It's what I want. 
Oh yeah, and yoga.  Absolutely amazing.  I feel so much better after it.  Even if my toes started to cramp halfway through.  It just goes to show you how tense I am if even my toes cramp up.

I'm very desperately procrastinating on researching for my American Dream paper. 
We have to write a rough draft in class Wednesday.
What? Are we in elementary school?
Maybe I can start calling people poopy-heads when they piss me off and sticking out my tongue at them.

No such thing.
I did read a nice yaoi manga called Rules last week... mmmm sexah.

OH. Finally.  I got my phone.
And it looks better IRL than in the pictures. 
I think it looks like something Chanel would design.  I'm going to find a way to print out the black Chanel logo on a sticker and stick it to the back of my phone. Eh heh. xD
It's a Pantech c150 (white) if you cared.

And I swear this is it.
My mom says my dad has promised to get me the MacBook as long as I keep up my grades.
I think he's feeling guilty that our moving kept me from getting a learners permit, so I can't get my license when everyone else is.  And I can't get a job to buy what I want. 

33 days till we move into our new house!

Note to self:

Don't ever read another Jodi Picoult book while PMSing.
The result is too many tissues and swollen eyes that will take days to go back to normal.

So Real Life...

Completely got in the way.
And now I can finally breathe.  Especially since my teachers didn't give us homework (though, being the overachiever that I am, I'll be reading and re-reading the chapters we have a test on next week.)

-2 Gov Essays
-2 chapters in Gov books
-4 reading excerpts in a different Gov book
-1 Gov vocab quiz
-Calc Quiz [which I almost cried on because I forgot completely how to graph, but I ended up getting an 86 (which still isn't ideal for a first quiz)]
-1 Lit essay
-1 Lit Poem (oh, how it sucks)
-1 Lit item to put in a time capsule (I made a snake, like the snake from Franklin's "Join, or Die" piece)
-I single handedly made the Newspaper website. All I have to do is upload it... when we have articles to put on it...

So, busy. And so much stress.
I went to yoga last night though.  I spared an hour of my studying time for that. 
It was worth it.

ALSO. There's a Program at Georgia Tech for Women in Engineering.
I get two days off of school (counted as a field trip, not an absence) to go to a conference thing to explore all the possible engineering jobs there are and what I would do in college if I got an undergrad in Engineering...
I can't wait~

I've also decided to run for a student council office thing.  I haven't decided which yet, but if there is one, it'll end up being treasurer.  xP

And I'm hoping my GPA is high enough for beta club. IB (well, my grades and semi-depression) killed it.  So, yay again.

And once I find out who's in charge of Anchor club, I'll be in that too.

I'm hoping to be as busy as possible, so I don't notice my lack of a social life.  xP
And maybe, if I can convince my grandma's boss, I'll be able to help at their office with filing and stuff.  They do tax stuff... so even if it's boring, it'll look good on a resume, no?

In tennis news: I'm hoping I can convince my coach to let me start getting the team together now to practice.
Um, we need it. Besides, playing for a season and not picking up a racket for 9 months isn't the best idea. x.x;

So yeah. 
I started reading My Sister's Keeper and I'm in love with it.  I'm going to end up reading all of Jodi Picoult's novels. xD

And~~~ I still have a oneshot to beta that's Albus/Scorpius.  Mmmmm.
And maybe I can get those sentences done this weekend and have them up by next weekend? Maybe? *hopes*

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

[Mandatory] Gonne Die Post

Urg.  I have literally been working on my homework since 4pm this afternoon.  It's now 8:22pm.  On the second day of school.
So I'm taking a break.
And then I'm going to work on a poem for Lit.
HAHA. Me + Poetry = CRAP.

So. AP Calc teacher gave us a review on functions. 
And the homework is functions... extra hard functions that I've never done in my life!! 
I feel like all my teachers were super easy.  So now I'm lost.  And confused. 
And I really don't want to fail this early in the year. 
Why didn't he explain hard things too, instead of just basic stuff?  He had time for both!
I can't even enjoy trying to figure it out.  I can't even try to figure it out.  All I can think is "Why can't I do this?" 
It's an awful, awful feeling. x.x;

Lit was fine.  We got another project thingy to get an overview about the time periods of lit we'll study.
We wanted the Romantic time period (I was so pulling for it. DPS!) but instead, someone beat us to it and we got the revolutionary period.  We're probably going to use last years APUSH summer assignment book, "the Faiths of the Founding Fathers" for a source.  Such good memories.

OMG AP Gov teacher is brilliant.  She's so hilarious.  Her political jokes kill me. 
She goes off on tangents about stuff. 
John Edwards is extremely sexy, but he can't be Prince of Whales. 
But her lectures are awful hard to take notes on. 
It's the first class I've had with a teacher who gives a lecture, with so much as an outline.  But I think I can get used to it.
If not, I'll just reread the book, since she goes from that. 
At least she lectures like she's having a conversation with us, so it's not dull. And the class went by extra fast. xD

Journalism was fine.  Me and the other two girls from last years journalism worked on learning how to work the website builder program for the paper. 
YAY! No more notes and quotes! xDD

I'd talk about other things, but school has already consumed my life. Ugh.
Whoever has read NANA (at least up to volume 14) needs to discuss with me!
I need someone to bitch about how Tamaki is awful. And stuff.

I (very impulsively) signed up for 50 Sentences with the Albus Severus/Scorpius pairing when I saw it wasn't taken.
I think I've done about 20.  I'm kind of proud of myself.
How I love the As/S ship! (I love the name~~~xDDD)